This Is Not A Vacation: The Realization

10 June 2013 in Memories, Traveling

Our lifestyle can sometimes feel like a vacation of limitless duration — and at times I’ve been known to force a little alliteration. During transition and acclimation, when you are getting used to the new parking spot your little home resides at and the many wonders that surround it your mind tends to blur the line between vacation and everyday life. It is here I sit in flux on the days Lindsay works. Part of me chomping at the bit to hit the road and the trails on solo expeditions, feeling as though I’m wasting my “vacation” if I remain stationary. The other half recognizing the responsibilities at home – maintenance to do on the trailer, cleaning, and cooking as well as writing and hobbies I’ve longed for the time to explore and yet continually put off when the time is given. Then of course there is guilt that I should have such time to spend doing as I wish while Lindsay works ten hour days.

Time management, when there’s no executive to manage your minutes outside of yourself has been a constant struggle for me. Ever since I became self-employed I’ve struggled with separating myself from my computer when there was no work to be done. Of course the increase of planned vacations was no problem. Letting my clients know a week ahead of time that I’d be out for a few days or even a week or two sat well with me. It was one of the best parts of working for yourself – you always had a very flexible and understanding boss. It was the daily routine and unplanned downtime that got to me. Knowing that part or all of your week was up in the air. Work might come in at anytime or no time at all. Should I sit on the computer idly wasting hours compulsively checking my email between stints spent in and out of the wormhole that is the world wide web? The things you can find online to busy yourself or distract yourself are amazing. And all the while I often convinced myself that these explorations were important or necessary. Why shouldn’t a old classmate’s—whom I haven’t spoken to or seen since graduation—ill-informed, offhand, political comment send me on an hour long search for statistical data to prove them wrong. I’m changing the world one person at a time here!

Needless to say I still struggle. I long to spend every waking moment on the trail or on some adventure, but I lack the intrepidity to go it alone. While I’ve often dreamed of such isolated journeys I’ve grown comfortable and used to the company of Lindsay, or at least someone to share the experience with. The few hikes I’ve done solo felt as though they were lacking. Though I often hike ahead of those with me—clipping at an eager pace, longing to discover what’s around each and every corner—I will then wait for my company to catch up so that I might reflect aloud on what I’ve found and share the moment.

This is the conflict I face now, but soon this inner dispute will reside in the rearview mirror. Unexpectedly, but thankfully I have been asked to start early. Short on staff do to some unforeseen circumstances Lindsay’s supervisor has asked me to start work next week at the entrance station. It’s still up in the air as to whether Lindsay and I will have the same days off—mounds of government paperwork for a new hire will determine this fate—so I’m not out of this predicament yet. But it will be nice to have some routine to my days, ones more rigid and dictated than those I’ve attempted to place upon myself.

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10 June 2013 Memories, Traveling

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